Sovereign by Shawn Bridget Hull
As a woman of a certain age, I’ve come to discover that Sovereignty is a choice I slip on my flowered crown and Survey the land of What has been, what is, and what might be I rule the landscape of my body
My hills and valleys are my own In sun and storm Beauty in thick hips Crooked teeth, and Commitment
Love that doesn’t look away, but Looks all the way through Staring down cyclones, Paying the mortgage,
Picking up the prescriptions, and Calling you out,(when you need it…) Then listening, (when I need it…)
Hope that declares Kindness now! Joy now! Delight now! EVERYBODY NOW! Unbreakable bonds
Forged in daisy chains for Today and tomorrow So, if you judge my kingdom As sticky sweet, sentimental,
Naieve, and a pipe dream I invite you to Ask yourself a question, Where do you want to live?
Transfiguration- poem on clouds: My body is a cloud billowing vapor and yellow roses and chocolate cupcakes with sprinkles on your birthday Tender hope and bruised silver linings icy crystals defending my moot point snarky comments when I feel unlovable Vapors shapeshifting from who you want me to be, to who I want me to be, to who I actually I am, and coming to terms with that When I said when, when I’ve had enough, I let go falling, falling, falling Back to the land cold rain, tears, sowing new flowers and fruit traveling through the lakes and oceans o only to evaporate again
Sovereign from Above with Poem showing - see above
Tender is Spring- Deep, deep, deep below the ice water flows, thawing the gray shards to slush, with enough sun the whole thing gives way to bird song
Hidden Altars- Poem on suspended cloud: Deep within I hold what is precious covered from prying eyes The dance I do on the surface confuses you and me where my treasure lies We can not be contained that is the truth, no matter how hard you close your fist the air slips right through Honor what you hold dear Honor in the light Honor what gives you peace Fill your hidden altars with joy burning bright, Honor yourself, with golden rule, Knowing that beauty, it seeps right through
Empty Nest- Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - And when I thought my heart would break You finally announced yourself Breaking me open, amazing me I gathered twigs, grasses, and flowers Set just so, to make you a home I tried and tried to give you my sweetest song. You are dazzling in the sunlight Your iridescence is magic. It is all beauty, sadness, and hope. You transformed and illuminated my everything All for you two ( and me). And when I though my heart would break With all the danger and delight You flew, you flew I am breathless, Re-orientating and remembering To Sing
Let it Rain- Text on raindrops - Let it Rain text I was born on your birthday. You were so young- 23. A kid having a kid. When I was small you were my favorite person. You’d tuck me under your arm and dive through the ocean waves. I’d hold my breath, the water swirling and pushing around me. I felt safe because you held me tight. But, I was wrong. You let go. I was 32 when I had my first child-and she did not come easy. I had to work for her and her sister. But it was all just handed to you, a family. You said, “ You’ll understand when you’re grown up”. I am grown up and I am bewildered. All that time and love wasted, frittered away for shiny things. I learned from your example and the cost was too high. At the end I felt your remorse, it came in fits and starts. I knew you were wrestling with your choices and the inevitable reckoning. I mourned you long before you died. I knew there would be no resolution. Being a parent is tricky work. My hypervigilance has caused cracks of its own. No one is perfect, let alone the perfect parent. Please know, I realize there was light too. You tried, sometimes. I know. Absolution is not mine to give. I am not a diety or the ultimate arbiter of a live well lived. I have my own mis-steps to account for. The older I get the more I understand, I understand nothing, nothing but this… The only salve is love. Love, just love. Forgive you, forgive me, love sets us free. Forgive you, forgive me, love sets us free. Love, just love.
Knot - I see you, my child, And when I say you, I also mean me Your bloodied cheek The scar above your breast Your ferocious eyes Shining with challenge Jaws clenched and bracing For a fight… Come, rest Let me stroke your hair And demand nothing Sit with your soul Until you can feel Your beating heart in My hand Deep, deep, deep beneath the frozen creek water flows thawing the grey shards to slush With enough sun the whole thing gives way to bird song, green shoots, and Musky fragrance You are not only the flower: pink petal, stamen, leaf, and stem You are also the Intoxicating scent You are not only the Bird wing in flight or eating of insects You are also the Song itself in the joy of now My child, I see you and when I say you I mean me, too.
Me and Her - The woman in the blue hills calls me. I can not resist the south sun illuminating her face or the lake winding its way between her breasts. All at once I am her and she is me. Together we gaze upward searching for clues.
Woman, not girl- Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - Insistent the lilt and vibrating tug of life beckons Unclench and unfurl into the electricity of full knowing Now, now, it’s always now Let go the delicate petal of promise and potential Bloom into the fullness of maturity and consequence balancing on the edge of decay All at once, it’s always all at once This rhapsodic chaos, saturated in aliveness and foreboding I claim my treasure
Fruit- Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - Dancing to Easy E alone in the living room Friend of a friend, 33 years my friend Apples and oranges Do not make a fruit salad You and me We each grew a tree Let go, you say I say, why? You must, she said I said, you’ll die Sipping fruity drinks On a warm summer night On the deck of a tikki bar I just didn’t know I didn’t know Apples and oranges Long ago
Lineage- Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - Murmurs of long lost Joys and sorrows Move just beneath my skin I feel the stirrings Whispers in foreign tongues I do not understand Yet, belong to me My ruffles and folds are complicated A new species nourished Through secrets kept by Forgotten lives In the moonlight My skin glows, silver Past, present, and future Tremble
Dandelion Wish- Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - Praise hope that forces its way through the crevices of concrete Insisting that beauty will flower Praise the foot who steps on this tiny hope, crushes the flower but Releases a new seed Praise the breeze that carries the dandelion wish to the creek bank and Takes root in the soil Praise the weed whose cheerful prettiness bewitches a child to pick a Handful for mom and set in a cup on the windowsill Praise hope that forces its way through the crevices of concrete and Softens the everyday
Morning - Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - You wake up and let the dogs out I snuggle in bed and pretend to be asleep You know I am not You make the coffee I make her breakfast She drives you to school I take dinner out of the freezer The dog tippy toes & howls His head poking through the backseat window Joyous as his ears fly in the wind I sip my coffee and journal When you walk back in The TV announces tragedy, again Time for work, Pandemic time You go to the library to log in I stretch and do yoga Then feed the dog one piece at a time Or he won’t eat Back to work I knead the clay, shape, and sculpt Carefully lay the form on The board to dry Ordinary, Ordinary, Ordinary Joys Tiny blessings heaped One on the other I catch my breath
Debris-Poem by Shawn Bridget Hull - Fallen away. Shriveled. Lost parts no longer needed. Not misplaced- like a sock- But, Lost. As in deceased, dying, dead. Parts mangled and untrue I thought were my own, But were not of me. Unintegrated. The sharp edges caught. Outgrown and discarded. Remnants and remains. Nature economizes. It does not tolerate obliteration. Life seeks itself. Nutrients and minerals, Rich soil. In this darkened loss, I am un-winding, un-furling, and stretching Life